It feels like my door is a turnstile. Children come home…children go away. I’m thinking about just locking them in and throwing away the key!
Here’s the update:
David & Camden & Will and baby are moving away from Mishawaka. David is going into basic training for the Air force on July 7th. I’m an Air force brat and am excited for them and their adventure that’s ahead. David is working hard so he can make it through basic, then we’ll see where they put him. Sometime in November (maybe late October) we’ll meet our baby!
Harrison has been home from Brazil for 1 week and 2 days. He made the decision yesterday that he needed to move to Provo and hopefully get into BYU in the spring. He might work at the same place Tawny is, kind of take over her job.
Aurora has completed a semester at BYU-I and then moved in with Tawny for the summer. She’s lifegaurding at a rec center in Provo. She may return to BYU-I, but with Harrison coming out to Provo she may stay there, or she may come back home (last resort).
So that’s the first 5 in a nutshell. We’re going on a family camp-out the end of this month, so all but Eve will be together for a few days. Then it’s like the wind picks up and they spread their wings and fly off. It’s what I raised them for, to leave and do good in the world. To bring light and joy into peoples lives who need them. I see peoples kids fighting at church over a pen, or elbowing their sibling because they irritate them and fond memories of my kids acting like demons enter my mind. I miss those days. If you rewind the clock and tell Kristie of 10 years ago that I will miss those days I would have probably encouraged you to get a CAT scan.
They are still so young and small, and many times irritating, but I know better this time around. I know to lock them in the house and never let them go!
You would think that after being a mom for almost 25 years I would know how to handle any situation thrown at me. But there are still some that I have no control over and that break my heart.
Today I took my children to a little ‘marathon’ (not even a mile) put on by our local YMCA. It was a muggy wet morning but the rain graciously kept itself at bay. The children gathered under the banner of their school and soon friends were huddled in excited conversation.
The race began and rather than walking with her peers Danni dropped back with Enoch and I. She hadn’t been feeling real well this morning and I thought maybe her tummy was still bothering her. We finished the course and then started scouting out the fun things to do. We saw bouncy houses, games, treats, and tons of neon shirts zig-zagging around the premises.
Danni then spied one of her friends, one she had felt uncomfortable with earlier in the group because of some other girls there, but now the group was gone and was just her. Danni saw her and waved excitedly, and the girl – after making eye contact- turned around and walked off.I saw Danni deflate. I felt my heart break. I pretended not to take notice and we visited a couple more booths. The rain then came in earnest and we left. Danni’s tummy issues also came on in earnest and she threw up all the way home, weeping between bouts. I know she was weeping out of hurt feelings, she never cries when she gets sick.
I believe all children should be twins….it was so nice knowing they always had each other. Girls over all can be so catty and fickle. I much preferred hanging out with the guys growing up. I have other daughters who feel the same way. I don’t think girls are evil or mean, it’s just …. just the way girls are? Is that true?
In the LDS faith we are taught that we should love everyone, yet most of my children’s mental anguish have come from others in our faith. So is it a phase? Learned from TV shows? Is it because we live in the poor part of town? Is it because we buy our clothes at thrift stores? Is it the way we look – too fat – too thin – not hip- too hip? And if it is, does it matter? Are we trying too hard to get approval from the wrong people?
Arg! I have no answers! All I can do is love my kids and hope and pray that they find at least one good friend, and teach them so that they never, NEVER, NEVER treat anyone like they are a lesser person – EVER!
I found out this week that I will not be able to continue my employment at Burris next year. It has nothing to do with Burris! Restrictions have tightened on the emergency teaching licensing making it impossible for me to work as a speech therapist. I have loved my job so much! Because I was rejected from the Ball State SLP program my options are minimal. It doesn’t make sense to drop 40 to 50 thousand on an online degree and then have to work another 20 years to pay it off.
It was nice having benefits. The dental insurance came in handy while getting 3 children ready for missions. Danni and Enoch will be staying at Burris, and that is a huge blessing! I made some amazing new friends. So much good came out of these few months of working, and I am thankful for that.
Now- if you know of a place that could use a hard working, funny, honest, great cooking, motivational, and intelligent gal – let me know!
Initially I thought about putting all of these photos in chronological order and writing little notes about Tawny at that particular time in her life. Then I thought it would be much more “Tawny – like” to put them all in and let the viewers enjoy the chaos of it all….Tawny is her own person. She always has been. Her smile can brighten an entire auditorium, her intelligence and whit are deep and sharp, her athleticism is not contained by boundaries of any sort, her heart is one of the most compassionate I’ve ever seen, and her talents are astounding. As we await her mission call I can’t help but imagine the joy and peace she will be bringing to a lucky group of people.
I love this girl so much, and I’m so impressed with the woman she has become. 23 Aprils ago she came into our lives forever weaving a trail of laughter and joy in the tendrils that follow her.
I read an article a couple of weeks ago that has been marinating in my mind. It spoke of the DNA of a child staying in the mother’s body. I have since researched a couple more articles that talk of the health benefits and connections that come from our bodies storing the DNA of each child we conceive – whether born or not. (Articles here or here or here)
This makes so much sense to me.
I see science and I look for spiritual.
I see that Heavenly Father needed me to have a connection to this child to care for him and raise him up and love him. The ‘mother’s instinct’ knowing when my child is in danger, or will be in danger. Having my heart break just from seeing her cry, intense emotions stemming from seemingly nowhere. Thoughts drifting to him and uttering a silent prayer on his behalf. The pure joy and love I feel when I see her smiling and content with life.
A child can’t understand this connection, it’s wholly one way. They don’t know how much their ingrained DNA influences the thoughts of their mother. Their desire to break that tie and fly the nest is akin to an amputation and the mother has the ‘ghost limb’ feeling of needing to make sure her child is protected. There’s no way the child can understand that, and it’s no wonder there can be frustration involved with this separation.
Maybe that’s why fathers (generally speaking) don’t have the same connect with their child, they don’t have a DNA link. Of course my children were blessed with an incredible father, and my sons seem to be following in his footsteps. But there is undoubtedly more instinct in my knowing the whereabouts and safety of our children.
I wonder if maybe there would be fewer deadbeat dad’s in the country if the child’s DNA were somehow implanted in the father’s brain and bone. If men’s life spans would lengthen with the benefits of carrying a differing strain. If families would become more pivotal in today’s society….
I am sure my name is on the top of your list for people to populate our distant red sister planet. I really can’t blame you, I can see why I am so desirable for such a mission, I mean, just look at all I have to offer:
My body is the most efficient ever created! I could just smell the food and not only maintain weight, but probably gain! How lucky you would be to have such a specimen on board. Rations would last decades longer!
And my oddly strong body. I can carry supplies effortlessly, a basic pack animal…that doesn’t eat much, and can sing a jaunty tune in the process.
The fact that I am low to no maintenance has got to be a big plus as well. No need for hair stylists or mani/pedis for me. I like to indulge every 6 to 12 months just to …well…indulge.
But, alas, I can’t. I still have kids at home, and granted, you’re leaving in 10 years, that still leaves a 17 year old at home, and by then I should have a horde of grandchildren, I would like to see them from time to time. My husband is an artist and I’m afraid there’s not a lot of inspiration on the martian landscape. I don’t think he would enjoy it much. Plus I like going to church, so until there’s an LDS ward and a temple nearby that would make it too difficult.
I am sorry to disappoint – believe me – the offer is tantalizing!
I was walking from the van to go get the kids loaded up and I somehow fell. Fell hard! I fell on all fours, like a cat, although substitute knees for the feet. As I was down there the only thing I felt was anger and embarrassment. It was only a second, but the feelings were larger – they were an hour’s worth of feelings crammed into a second. Pure & undiluted. I literally spring up, I jumped my feet between my hands and rocketed up. (Thank you yoga!) Nobody saw. But I was still mad at myself. How could I fall like that? I ripped a hole in my capris and have a scrape on my knee, like a 5 year old.
The lesson: Spring up!
Later that day I found out the BSU rejected me for the second time for their SLP program. It was like I hit a wall, I was so sure I was in, I had planned my next 2.5 years around it. My job was a miracle, I fully acknowledge that, so I knew getting me into the program would be a lesser miracle. I fell again, not physically, but spiritually, emotionally, & mentally. The anger and hurt were there. It took me a few hours of being down this time.
I think I needed to fall physically yesterday morning as proof that at almost 50 I can still spring up, and I can move on. I may have a tear in my pants and a scab on my knee, but I have what is needed to spring up and move on.
You can go ahead and keep looking at the pictures…..so fun!
So now another Inman will be making his/her/their way into the world this year. I’m a very happy grandma!
And while life over all has been very sweet I do have some issues maybe you could help me with:
How do I keep from getting fat at work? This past week I have exchanged my lunch time for a brisk walk. Oh – I still eat, but during planning time. I snack on nuts – maybe I need to find something less fatty – like celery…not very appetizing…
How do I keep up with the house? It seems like it’s always a mess and I’m too tired to care. Everyday is filled, work, yoga, church, and what ever else can get squeezed (sqooze?) in.
Is it OK to honk at someone who is not turning right on a red light?
Do we go by temperature or calendar with dress? I feel like wearing birkenstocks and capris should be OK right now, and the hat and scarf sets them off nicely….
When is it appropriate to tell someone their zipper is down? I kind of use my age as the guideline, anyone younger I tell, those older I don’t.
OK – after you answer those I may have more.
Many times I hear a speaker or teacher go into the Latin roots of a word to help clarify it’s meaning, which really doesn’t make sense because it doesn’t mean that we’ll use it any differently, but it does make them look smart. I want to look smart. So I will look at the word motivate (a verb I am struggling with, so maybe the breakdown will help…).
Mote – noun. A tiny piece of a substance. i.e. “the tiniest mote of dust.”
Tiv – not a word, but it is an acronym for Tornado Intercept Vehicle – I can use that.
Ate – past tense of eat.
It is obvious from the breakdown of the word “motivate” means: A tiny spot of a substance, let’s just say chocolate builds up to a tornado sized craving that must be intercepted by something, let’s say cheesecake, and this all must be eaten as to be the past tense…
46 years ago my mom had me in a base hospital in FLorida, it was not a pleasant experience, she’s told me many times. As the first grandchild on both sides I took the obligatory position of favorite. Some greatnesses are thrust upon us….
My wish for my day? To be alone. Bill has taken the kids out for a day of sledding, food, and a movie (which I may or may not join in on). I go into the perfectly clean kitchen and pour myself a bowl of organic flax-seed and pumpkin granola with almond milk, my second bowl, and find that the kitchen is still perfectly clean, no Tasmanian devil has turned it into a dirty dish and half eaten food strewn mess in 3.4 seconds. I lounge on my couch watching documentaries and gearing of for Monument’s Men….a movie I am told is excellent. Of course I must recognize the beauty of this day with a blog post.
I do not know what 47 will feel like, but going into this I know 47 is special – for one thing “47 society” says, ” 47 appears to be the quintessential random number of the universe. In other words, when a number appears randomly, more often than not, that number is 47. ” Hmmm, that has to count for something.
I feel healthy, strong, happy, confident, and over all much younger than what I thought I would be feeling at this age. I will not be surprised if I conk over dead though, just because I propose such unusual eating and living views, I’m sure my McDonald’s eating diet Coke drinking mom will out live me because that seems like a funny twist to life. And people will say, “I knew a lady who ate vegan, did yoga, and didn’t do vaccinations and she died at 47!” And that’s a funny thing to happen, and I like making people laugh…and believe me, I’ll be cracking up about it on the other side!
If everyone could know the love I have felt and feel for others and the joy I have in my life on a day to day basis I feel like world peace would be he norm and we would all smile at each other and forget each other’s names (maybe a side effect to joy?).
Thank you for reading my blog! If I do die please let my family know about this post, most of them don’t read my blogs and I think they would want to use this for my eulogy. ~ Thanks.